You've probably noticed I've been saying "fat" (which is just a descriptive term, like "tall", if you can shear it of the negative association people have placed on it) instead of something that people seem to think is more sensitive, like "overweight" (which implies that there's some standard somewhere that bigger people are falling short of).
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| Poor Barbie gets picked on a lot, but although I don't think she causes our neurosis about size, she's a useful gauge of how severe it is. Have you noticed that even the "fatter and flatter" Barbie they came out with a while back is still really, really thin, and so busty and malproportioned that if she was real, she'd be 7 feet tall and fall over because she's overbalanced on top? There's a reason Barbie would never stand up by herself without one of those little waistband stand thingies, but GI Joe can. |
I think we have this weird, unexamined idea that we should alter ourselves to fit into clothes, so the clothes look right, instead of altering the clothes to fit our bodies.
Once we say that it becomes how absurd it is, doesn't it?
It's a really profitable idea for the fashion industry, which likes to be able to produce clothing in a few sizes with the minimum amount of material necessary. It's much more efficient than making sizes on the very small or very large ends of the spectrum, since there will be statistically fewer people who will buy those clothes.
The fashion industry also gets away with some other illogicalities--i.e., if you're fat, you must be short, so it's almost impossible to find large tall women's pants. (I find they think pregnant women are short, too, for some reason--I suspect it's to save fabric. They figure you have to take what they give you when you can't wear ill-fitting regular pants.)
What I'm trying to communicate, poorly, is that all the fun inherent in looking good is just as much a right for fat women as it is for thin women. And let me be explicit:
1. It's not about trying to look skinny, just about having clothes fit you properly. You shouldn't feel the need to be pinched by your Spanx just because your pants aren't tailored properly to you. (On the other hand if you like the Spanx, that's ok too.)
2. Wearing bright makeup or large jewelry--even big jewelry--is not somehow "compensating", despite what Oprah thinks.
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| I mean I don't particularly care for either look, they're not my thing, but how come this gal isn't assumed to be "compensating", but... |
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| ...this gal is? Granted she could have been more fortunate in her choice of dress designer--feathers are so rarely a good idea for anyone--but overall I think she does pretty well. |
In fact, according to fashion experts who aren't talking directly to fat women, your accessories should match your size. So if you're short and skinny, smaller jewelry and bags are supposed to fit you best; but if you're tall (they never offer "and large" but I think we can extrapolate), larger jewelry and bags fit best. Of course go with the look you like the best, but just get rid of the idea that if you wear a big necklace and you're fat that it somehow is indicative of deep psychological distress. (Sheesh, is there anything people don't psychoanalyze fat people about?)
3. It's not a cop out to look nice--like somehow if you let yourself be satisfied with your appearance that you'll just slide into the netherworld of ratty sweats, farts, and catfood:
See, the problem with Goldie Hawn in this scene is not that she's (supposed to be) fat. It's that she's wearing the most unflattering things possible, things that wouldn't look good even on a really skinny person: a smock, leggings, bunny slippers, and uncombed hair.
By the way, frosting straight out of the can is pretty good sometimes.
You deserve to look nice no matter what size you are. You deserve to be comfortable in your clothes no matter what size you are.
4. There are sweatsand there are sweats: yoga pants have acutally evolved to flattering lines--if you can find them without a logo, I pair them with a structured blouse or jacket. Being comfortable and pretty in your clothes are not contradictory positions.
A big help to this whole Freedom project is realizing you have the freedom to let ill-fitting clothes go--it's not admitting defeat, lazy, or wasteful to demand to feel good in your clothes, nor do you need to settle until you lose weight.
It's ok to mourn the clothes a bit--maybe you really loved that shirt. But you will find another shirt you love, that fits, so that instead of opening your closet to see clothes that make you feel bad, you'll see clothes that make you feel pretty.
Wanna go shopping? Me too. :)
Cheers,
Breanna
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