A Clarification

A reader whose comment got eaten by Blogger pointed out that some parents need clarification on what exactly appropriate church behavior looks like.  In one sense they should be able to learn this the way humans learn all social skills--by watching what the big kids do--but we are living in a world where there isn't a reasonable assurance that the big kids know any better.  I don't want anyone to think I'm advocating turning the baptistry into a ball pit and letting the kids run around like it's Chuck E. Cheese.  (Actually I don't think it's even a good idea at kids' parties to have them run around wildly, but that's another rant.)

So here's an idea about acceptable church behavior for kiddos, so you understand what I'm asking for:

1. They will sometimes burp, toot, fill their pants, ask for a drink of water, or state "I HAVE TO GO POTTY."  They will sing when the songs are done.  They should shush when told to shush or be taken out.  They might make noise as they leave; I think this is part of the learning process and acceptable as long as Mom and Dad are clearly trying to teach "be quiet" and/or get them out of the sanctuary as quickly as humanly possible.  Not acceptable is a kid standing on the pew singing "I want to be a sergeant major!" while Mom and Dad blink sweetly around, pretending nothing is happening.  But let's face it; sometimes there is going to be an occasional kid who wants to try this, and Mom and Dad have to just throw a coat over his head and hustle him out of the sanctuary to meet his doom in the foyer.  (And there should be doom.)

2. Ideal behavior is a kid singing during songs, and then sitting and quietly occupied with something non-messy until they are old enough to start listening to the sermon; once they understand there's something there to listen to, they still might require visual aids like coloring pages or Mama "illustrating" the sermon.  (Drawing it like a comic book.  Miss Boo is almost able to sit for this, but Buddy makes it a trick for me to do.)  And because church services happen during naptimes and mealtimes for little kids, they might need a blanket or a sippy cup of something too.  Inappropriate would be to bring a pillow and stretch out across a whole pew, snoring.  But holding a blankie and sitting on Mom's lap, I think, is pretty much the best you can hope for when the subject is 20 months old.

3.  It's my responsibility as a parent to provide my own quiet activities, like it is to provide diapers and wipes.  However, if the nursery provides diapers and wipes as a kindness, a couple of church quiet bags might be a good thing.  (They are easily supplied from the dollar store and can be made bright orange and emblazoned CHURCH NAME--and the parts emblazoned with a labelmaker--if you are worried about them walking out the door.)  This is just an idea to prove that you welcome kiddies; I wouldn't fault any church that didn't do this.

4. The easiest way for clueless parents to learn about what good parenting looks like is for those of us who have an idea to demonstrate good parenting, without getting in anyone's face.  But, like I said below, we don't get the opportunity to demonstrate good parenting if we're encouraged to just hide our children in the nursery or basement until they're adults.

5. The goal of having kids in church is to teach them to sit in church reverently and pay attention/enjoy the service.  It's like potty training.  If you can put in a few weeks and months of effort, you're repaid by a lifetime of essentially hands-free church.  And like potty training, it's just made more difficult if everyone insists you're doing it wrong.

Now, I haven't had a chance to chat yet with the reader who started the clarification, and she may have some more good ideas that I'll share with you later, but her comment did have a point--so I put this out there, for the parents who are wondering whether there's anything wrong with the talking Scooby-Doo doll or letting their kids play with the Communion cups.  Yes, yes there is. ;)

Cheers,

Breanna