Providence

Producer: "So, how would you feel about making a change?"

Garth: "We fear change."

WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM!

--Wayne's World

Did you know, in passing, that Dana Carvey is from Missoula, Montana?  Yeah, small world.  Pretty soon I'm going to have to be proud of people who are from Texas, which is odd for me, although I will have a bigger pool of personalities to draw on.

However, in keeping with the movie ghosts I confessed to in another post, the scene above from Wayne's World has been playing in my head over and over again as change after change has been taking place in our lives lately.  Really, having a baby and moving are supposed to be up there among the big stressors possible (divorcing, getting married, or dealing with a death are the others); but as I was telling my sister the other day I am a little astonished at how I've been reacting.

I shouldn't be; when we first learned that this move might be a possibility I told God that He was going to have to make me able to handle it emotionally, because I didn't see a way that I could work myself around to that without Him.  He answered that prayer as cleanly as lancing a boil--there was an inital "eeeeeeeeew" moment where all my anxieties came rushing out, but since then I've been remarkably okay with it all.

Here's the kicker.  Now both the Husband and I are not just okay, we're excited.  It's even, in a twisted sort of way, getting to be fun, in the adventure sense.  For the first time I can really understand the passion and humor of people who voluntarily choose to live on a frontier, a ship, or in an army camp.  I can understand doing any of those things because they're your duty, or you can't get out of it and you might as well have a good attitude, but how to explain the people who get addicted to frontiers?  Well, this crazy enjoyment might do it.

Knowing that you'll be packing up and moving to a completely new place, and that you can do it, lends kind of a zest to otherwise hard work.

Don't get me wrong.  If I had been consulted about how my life was going to shake out, I would certainly not have chosen to have a baby and move 1700 miles in the same month, nor would I have wanted to try to sell a house with the market bottomed out.

However as of today it looks like God has sold our house for us, so that's not a problem.

The Husband looked at me and said, "if we get signatures today, then I bet you have the baby tomorrow."  I asked him if he'd had a premonition (he rarely does, but when he does they're generally accurate and strong), and he said no, but it would fit the pattern we've noticed with the Lord's provision so far on this little faith journey--He's been giving us one thing at a time, settling them for us before settling the next thing.  One step.  Here a little, there a little.  Then he humorously pointed out, "can you imagine negotiating the offer and counter-offer from the hospital?"

Yes, yes I can.  And no, I'd rather not have to try to sign papers between contractions, with a Pitocin drip in my arm.  Happy to wait that extra 24 hours, if that's how it's supposed to be.

We tend to only see His providence--His "providing", if you will--in terms of physical events.  So if I need $250, and God has a check for that much show up just in time, that looks obviously to be His work.  But we like to take credit for our emotional states, among other things.  If I am relatively happy one day, I either think of that as the product of circumstanaces--I am happy because I had a good day--or the product of my own efforts--I am happy because I thought positively today.  The truth, of course, is that while both of these things might have affected my happiness, both of them are the provision of God.  I have no more power to have a "good" day or to control my thoughts than God gives me.

So my attitude about moving is not my own doing, although I could have resisted the Lord and been determined to pout and make myself miserable.  He has graciously given me not only acceptance but actual joy and even fun.  Isn't that like Him?

Not only does He give us light to see by, but he gives us sunrises, sunsets, and, early this morning, a clear white moon in a stark black sky, shining over the dying lights of the city.

Think about it... what has His providence given you today that you didn't think about, before, as coming from His hand?

Cheers,

Breanna