Here is the scene I am referencing, in case you are among the 0.00002% of the population who hasn't seen snippets of this movie when movie channels run it continuously at Christmas time.
I know I promised you a baby post. The issue with that is that I can't figure out how to get pictures from my phone to my computer, yet. Smartphones are terribly annoying.
And also, this post has been brewing in my head for a while. I'll try to be brief, but I think it's overreaching.
This is also also a PG13 post. So if you're a kid or easily embarrassed you should probably go read an internet comic for a while.
(Kids all gone? Good.)
In the clip above, although it's funny, the husband sins with his speech. He flings an accusation at his wife which isn't true. Because the accusation is so nonsensical, we laugh--but in fact this is a comedically heightened version of slander.
Words matter. It matters to God when we go on our own personal (dare I say churchified) rants that essentially devolve into You Used Up All the Glue On Purpose.
Want some reasoning? You got it:
First of all, by way of example, I think we can agree that the Bible asks Christians to control our natural tendencies in the area of lust. Unregulated, most people would (and do) walk around lusting after anyone they find mildly attractive. This is because we have a sin nature, and part of sin is to gratify ourselves with no regard for the well-being of others. But as redeemed people, the Bible tells us that we're no longer allowed to consume someone as a sexual object. On the contrary, we're to guard the honor of the other person even in our thoughts--this is one reason why sex is only to be between a husband and wife. Each spouse has committed to honor the other, which precludes thinking of them as something to be consumed.
Secondly, I think we can agree that the Bible asks us to control our natural tendencies in the area of speech. Unregulated, most people would (and do) walk around saying whatever comes into their heads at that moment. Once again, this gratifies us at the expense of others. Sometimes it even requires that I hurt someone's feelings in order to relieve my own feelings of anger, insignificance, or embarrassment.
What I think we don't recognize often enough, in the Church, is that the Bible has at least as much to say about speech as it does about sex. In fact sins of speech (like gossip, slander, insolence, and boasting) and sexual immorality are put on roughly equal footing. I haven't pulled out a concordance to check this out, but I wonder if there might be even more passages warning about the dangers of what we might call "linguistic sin" than there are about the dangers of sexual sin. Even Isaiah, when he was recognizing his sinfulness in the presence of a holy God, called himself "a man of unclean lips", not a "a man of unclean loins".
I'm not trying to be gross or crude here, but I am trying to get your attention. While we all rightly recognize it is wrong to excuse a leader who has fallen into unrepentant sexual sin, I think far too many of us are willing to make excuses for leadership that is in unrepentant linguistic sin.
For instance, I've heard this one: "I can't help it. I'm just a blunt person."
Or even "I can't help it. They need to hear the truth."
I'd like to suggest this is a lie. God never puts us in a situation where we are forced to sin. Using your words to gratify yourself at the expense of someone else, whether you do that by lying about them, gossiping, or insulting them, is a sin. We're supposed to speak the truth, but in love. Part of loving someone is disciplining ourselves to be careful and merciful in our speech, even if we have to say something that might cause someone pain. There is no excuse for speaking with excessive harshness, for being insulting, or for name-calling.
(Example, because I can see how this is going to confuse some folks: Say my kid is being sassy. I have a responsibility as her mother not to allow her to be sassy. But I can either say "Sweetheart, you may not speak to Mama like that. That is sassy talk and Jesus wants you to honor Mama and Daddy--it is not honoring when you talk in that voice. Now ask me again, in a happy voice", or I can say "You are being a disrespectful brat! How dare you speak to me that way? Listen, you snot, you'd better straighten up right now!" Notice that in the first instance I address what she's done--sassy talk--versus the second, where I make accusations about what she is--"disrespectful brat". Any person we speak to will be a human made in the image of God, and that alone should be enough to preclude name-calling.)
Now, I can believe that some people are born with more natural talent for conversation and empathy than others. That only makes sense. But again going back to our comparison with sexual law, people are also born with differing levels of sexual desire, yet we all know that it's a lie when a man says he broke his promise to be faithful to his wife because he just "couldn't help it". ("I'm just a lustful person.")
If we can agree that sins of speech are just as serious as other sins, then we need to stop making allowances for Christians, especially those in leadership positions, that continue, unrepentantly, after their sinful speech has been pointed out, to use sinful speech. It's as though we feel like it will mean we are disloyal if we admit that some of our leaders are sinning with their tongues.
Some examples?
Rather famously, Mark Driscoll. But a lot of people have called him on his stance, so let's get more personal.
How about the sweet lady who leads your women's Bible study, who nevertheless turns prayer requests into a time to gossip about other women? How about the pastor who has to use name-calling during a sermon? (Item: I'm not talking here about calling sinners "sinners". I'm talking about things that I've witnessed like calling women who work outside the home "Jezebels". Because, you know, she really...um...held down a lot of jobs?) How about the older person who sees nothing wrong with using terms to describe people that perhaps didn't used to be hurtful, but are now? (If they don't know, you can mention it, in love.)
Don't excuse the sin. Gently, and in love, confront it. Or at least refuse to participate in it.
Ah, there's the rub. Because of course, when we recognize other people's sin, then we have the responsibility to examine ourselves. Just as most of us would recognize that we have to guard ourselves against lust, we have to guard our speech.
I'm not just talking about sins that we have a tendency to regard as sort of cute. ("Awww....come on, I gossip because I care...") I know that I have trouble with strict truthfulness (I sometimes want to change an account of events to make it funnier, for instance--but unless I tell the person I'm talking to that that's what I'm doing, it's a lie), with not belittling others (especially in traffic), with not speaking ill of people (especially when I'm angry). I have a tendency to want to fire away on Stupid Internet Debates (which means I usually have to discipline myself to say nothing).
And when someone I respect sins in their speech--name-calling thrown toward a group we disagree with, for instance, or belittling someone, or sharing gossip in the name of prayer requests, or boasting--I'm very tempted to excuse them. ("It was just a joke." "Well, that word didn't used to be offensive." "I'm sure he didn't mean that." "He was only trying to ask for prayer...in great detail...")
These are big deals, in my very own life. I'm sharing the insight I came to this morning in case they're big deals for you, too.
Cheers,
Breanna
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